Archive for the ‘Sport’ Category

Olympic Legacy is Assured

September 14, 2012

Official figures released today by the department of self justification show that the Olympic legacy promised to us by Lord Coe, Boris Johnson et al is safe for years to come. Statistics to be published today show that more people spent longer watching people running, jumping and pedalling there way to fame and riches than at any previous games.

olympic legacy is safe for a generation

Olympic rings on fire symbolising the burning haemorrhoids epidemic anticipated after millions of plucky Brits gorge on junk food, too much beer and days of constant inactivity

We went onto the street to gauge public opinion on the Olympic legacy.

Mary Mantle said, “It’s been incredible, my boyfriend Barry hasn’t stopped watching them athletes and stuff for weeks now…. morning noon and night….. I admire him so much for his hard work and dedication.” she continued “Barry is adamant that the games have changed his views and from now on he is going to be watching a lot more TV, if only to keep the legacy alive.”

It seems that tuning in to watch millionaire hop, skip and jump their way into the record books has given the nation an appetite for watching far more TV than they used to.

Colin Wright, 22, from Tottenham said “I for one won’t be letting the legacy slip through my fingers, having spent many happy hours watching the games this summer, especially Jessica Ennis and the Ladies Beach Volley Ball, I’m gonna go channel hopping looking for more scantily clad hotties bouncing around….. it was great!” he also continued (even though we were walking away at this point), saying “there were some low points such as that british girl in the swimming who put me off my stroke for an hour or two, but as soon as I tuned into see the Trott girl in the cycling I got wood again and it all turned out ok in the end!”

Locock official organisers of legacy implementation are satisfied so far, saying sales of beer, take away food and tissues have seen record sales during the games.

TV watching saw a massive increase during the games as we all embraced the spirit of London 2012 by getting drunk, sitting for days on end and having junk food delivered in record numbers.

TV watching saw a massive increase during the games as we all embraced the spirit of London 2012 by getting drunk, sitting for days on end and having junk food delivered in record numbers.

A spokesman for the Government said “I think the people of Britain will continue to reap the rewards of London 2012, I for one will be watching more TV in future, and I know many of my colleagues feel the same.”


Olympics Ticket Sales turns into the Joke we all knew it would

July 10, 2012

Following on from the initial lottery to get hold of tickets to see an olympic event, where we all had to bid for, then pay for all the tickets we might possibly want, only to then be told we didn’t get any, with a subsequent refund, Seb Coe and the ticket selling geniuses at Lococ have now released millions more unsold tickets.

The initial sales process was a huge joke in my opinion. Where else would you be expected to pay in advance for all the tickets you showed an interest in, without knowing if you had got them or not? It’s like having to buy ten times more concert tickets than you might ever need just so you might get to see one of the bands?

Whatever the motivation for using such a stupid ticket selling system, whether it was to prevent the reselling by touts and potential profiteering, it hasn’t worked.


If they wanted to stop touts reselling tickets, it could be easily done, by selling tickets to named people. We all have either a passport, driving licence of NI number. If tickets were sold using one of these as ID, then there would be no tout issue. If you then couldn’t attend, the organisers could agree to buy your ticket back at face value. Result, no touts, no profiteering and everyone’s happy. (Except the touts obviously).

It’s not as simple as that however, as event organisers frequently dump large volumes of tickets with ‘official’ touts in order to get them sold, so it is rarely the case that you will pay face value for a ticket for anything….. which makes the organisers complicit in the whole tout issue.

Lococ have managed to piss me off regarding tickets for the olympics, having initially bid on several thousand pounds worth in the hope of getting to see some events, I received zero tickets. As a consequence, I have no intention of bidding on any more, as I see the process as futile and a waste of my time. If they want to sell tickets, then why not just sell them to interested parties.

If stadiums are not full then they only have themselves to blame.

England Lose to Italy at Euro 2012

June 26, 2012

With what can only be described as the  inevitable, the pride of England gallantly lost to Italy on penalties.

The saddest thing about this, is that the FA, Roy Hodgeson et al, will console themselves that losing on penalties is a lottery and that next time it will be different.

It should have been different indeed, the game should not have got as far a penalties if Italy had managed to convert the opportunities that they created. With the exception of a 20 minute period in the first half, where England held their own against their vastly superior opposition, they were otherwise totally outclassed, out thought and out played.

The problem for the English game is that the Premier League is focused on itself, not the national game. As a consequence, our ‘elite’ players get to play for clubs dominated by foreign talent, who in effect make our home grown talent look better than they are.

I am a Rooney fan, and for his club, supported by a talented midfield, he play a good game. If you remove that midfield and replace it with the best that England has to offer, then his game doesn’t work, as we have all seen so often for England.

It is the case that our superstars are not superstars at all when placed on the European or world stage. They are all mediocre at best, and that is why we always fall down.

England players can hide in their club teams, when supported by international players, but when you take 11 mediocre men and put them together in one team, the results can only come out as they always do.

The press build them up into something they are not, giving unfounded hope to the supporters, who are gullible enough to fall for it every time.

The England team should forget about practicing penalties….. either they can score or they can’t….. and it they can’t, then what are they there for? They should practice passing the ball to their teammates, running without tripping over their own feet, they should all be made to wear whatever boots the Italians had on, as I didn’t see any of them slip over all night. We had several players slip over off the ball, let alone on it.

It astounds me that our ‘cream’ players are incapable of retaining possession, and resort to banging the ball up the pitch every time they regain possession.

The only bright point was that we are indeed a difficult team to score against. Our back four and Joe Hart did a solid job and that is something to build from, but until we bring through a midfield with the ability to retain the ball and develop play, we are pissing in the wind.

Italy has 68% possession, and when one of the pundits commented that all England needed was a bit of luck… I had to laugh, as we had plenty of luck, in so far as we should have been 6 nil down if the result reflected the vast gulf in basic footballing ability.

It’s time for a fundamental rethink in policy, youth development and strategy for the national team if we want to do better.

What do you think?

Dwain Chambers Denied Olympic Run

July 24, 2008

It is wildly refreshing to see a public body make the correct choice. I was almost stunned into silence by the British Olympic Commitees ruling that Chambers lifetime ban should apply.

I was half expecting a ruling by the European court of wining lapdogs to allow him to disgrace us again just so as not to impinge upon his human rights.

I salute the decision in that it protects us all and sends out a very clear message that cheats will never prosper. That is an important message in this day and age. Just because he put his hands up once caught, it is no reason to allow him to represent our great nation once more. It should be regarded as an honour only bestowed upon the greatest sportsmen of the time. To have allowed him to run would have sullied all that the Olymics holds dear.

Dwain Chambers world class cheat

July 14, 2008

As a nation we find ourselves in an invideous position, for we are about to potentially make a legal decision that will forever change the moral fabric of our society.

Chambers is by his own admission a cheat….. as if admitting it somehow makes it acceptable. He is going to court for the right to “represent ” Great Britain in China at the Olympics. Personally I do not wish to be represented by a man like Chambers. He took drugs in order to gain an unfair advantage of legitimate sportsmen and yet once caught still lacks the moral code to accept his punishment of a lifetime ban. He should not be competing in athletics anyway, at any level. He should not be allowed to take part in the parents race at his kids school, let alone on the world stage.

If the court this week decide that cheats do actually prosper then an intricate part of Great Britain’s moral fibre will have been irrevocably torn apart. What sort of an example will the law makers be showing the stab happy youth of today by letting this low life go to China? Is it really OK to cheat and con your way to glory and financial gain? Is it OK to dupe the public at every turn? If the court finds in Chambers favour then our only hope is that some deranged yob sets about the shameless waste of good air with a machete, thus saving us the embarrassment of seeing him wearing the union flag on the world stage. 

Dwain, take it like a man. You are cheating scum, we do not want you in our squad. Accept that and go crawl back into whatever hole you crawled out of. You  brought shame on our country once, and that cannot be allowed to happen again.