Archive for the ‘Royalty’ Category

Prince Harry Attacked in Helmand Province

September 17, 2012

Following reports that Camp Bastion was attacked over the weekend because of Prince Harry’s presence there, insiders have announced that Harry was protected one mile away from the attack in a sealed area, protected by SAS officers.

Prince Harry with Ex Chelsy Davy

Prince Harry has been the subject of a Taliban attack in Afganistan

Taliban attacks in the area are quite common, but it is believed that this was made as a direct result of Prince Harry being in the camp. Harry is a fully trained Apache helicopter pilot, and is due to begin operations in the coming days as part of a four month deployment.

Taliban sources are said to be seeking retribution in response to Prince Harry’s disrespectful use of Billiard equipment on a recent break to Las Vegas. It is well known that the Taliban hold very strict views where Billiards are concerned, and activities including resting your balls on the baize, banging slappers til the sun comes up and leaving pint glasses on the woodwork are all deemed offensive.

Friends of Prince Harry were reported as saying “It was totally wild, like proper mental, H kept saying he was going for the red balls in the top pocket…. it was like, totally amazing”.

Billiard fans the world over initially reacted with outrage at the inappropriate use of sporting equipment, but this is the first incidence of violence towards anyone participating in a Billiards related gangbang.

Prince Harry has apologised for his activities saying “that he just wanted to put the whole, extremely enjoyable week behind him and get on with the work he is there to do”.

We were going to ask someone from the Taliban for their opinion by it seems a little risky so we didn’t.


Prince William Confirms that Kate does have Breasts

September 16, 2012

Following months of speculation…. has she or hasn’t she… the palace have finally ended speculation by confirming the suspicions help by low level tabloids around the world that Kate does indeed have two breasts….

The palace are now hoping, following this revelation that Kate and her breasts will be left alone to do whatever they normally do on a day to day basis.

suspicions grew following the release of pictures such as these, clearly showing two bumps that probably indicate the presence of breasts.

Two bumps indicating that Kate may well be concealing breasts

Kate has been guilty of concealing her breasts for years now, and this kind of duplicity and deception can only be ended by the scrupulous actions of the world press, proving once and for all that she has been trying to hide the truth from us all.

Jackie Spangle, a random from Woking who we caught up with as she came out of a local Harvester said, “I feel betrayed. For several years Kate has been a heroine of mine, I looked up to her because she was special and different,” before adding “to find out that she is just like me, with two breasts and stuff is soul destroying.”

It was revealed by a source inside the French Closer magazine offices that they have proof also that not only does Kate wax body hair, but also incontrovertible evidence that on occasion she also takes a number two.

This news is set to shock the world who up until now hadn’t given a flying fuck about any of this.

It is also understood by another insider that several magazines have information that Kate might also be in possession of a FooFoo, which she might very well use in the not too distant future to make a baby who will be 3rd in line to the throne. These undisclosed magazines are all eager to be the first to provide proof of the existence of her alleged FooFoo, and have pledged to hound her to the four corners of the globe in their quest for photographic evidence.

We asked several people on the street for their opinions, all of which came out on Kate’s side, with one exception, Kyle Downey from Carlisle who said, “It’s all well and good, but it’s Kate’s sister Pippa’s Norks we all really want to see, so why aren’t they all over the interweb?” adding, “that really would make my broadband fees worth paying.”