Archive for the ‘Politics’ Category

Clarkson Outrages Teachers With Nursery Rhyme Faux Pas

May 4, 2014

Jeremy Clarkson Offends Teaching Profession

Jeremy Clarkson, main host and big cheese at BBC cash cow Top Gear has managed once again to cause offence, for not saying something three years ago.

His crime, (for that is what it is) was to fail to update his nursery rhyme etiquette in line with modern protocols. In 1996 John Major, our Prime Minister at the time, with fuck all better to do while waiting to lose a general election (it transpires) rewrote several popular nursery rhymes, one of them being “eenie meenie miney mo”.

Following a publicity campaign costing tens of millions of pounds, we all became aware that from that moment forth, the only people that were aloud to continue to use the N***** word were black rappers when describing their homies as well of course as Guy Gibson in the Dam Busters movie.

The rest of us had to replace the N***** word with Teacher forthwith.

Major might have been a bit grey, but he was a closet genius (Edwina Currie permitting). That year, the National Union of Teaching Staff (NUTS) accepted this nursery rhyme name check as payment in lieu of a wage increase for their workers…… some of whom instantly started to regret the decision as they we forcibly caught by the toe just before lunch by 3b outside the headmasters study.

Mr Clarkson may indeed be at an age where he didn’t keep abreast of nursery rhyme politics and etiquette in the manner befitting a broadcasting professional on this occasion, and I am sure he is contrite as he can be at not being able to use a word that the people who are it, use to describe themselves while making music…. and money…..

… a brief aside here……. who does invent these fucked up laws?

Being Ghengis Khan, and knowing as I do a little about crushing fuckers I don’t like….. it’s probably time I mentioned Piers ‘what a cunt’ Morgan. For those of you that are not up to speed on why Morgan and Clarkson hate each other so much, you can catch up on their history here

Having never met either of them, I do naturally feel more drawn towards Clarkson….. predominantly because, of the two, he seems far less likely to fuck my mum and eat my babies. (Come off it Piers… even your mum must think you’re a disappointing cunt?)

Anyway… I digress….. back to eenie meenie gate……

So, Cuntface used to work for the Mirror (til he was sacked for cuntedness) …. and it’s the Mirror that launch an investigation into Jeremy mumbling the bit you’re not supposed to say in a nursery rhyme dating back hundreds of years, in an unused outtake from Top Gear.

Incidentally, this happened within a few months of Jeremy laughing live on Top Gear because Morgans US chat show was axed.

One would like to think that if Max Clifford can go to prison then Piers must be due a stretch any time soon……… his shit has got to catch up with him soon one would hope?

Looking from the outside, and speaking as the man who created the biggest empire the world has ever seen, it does look suspiciously like Morgan has had a hand in making life difficult for Clarkson. I would be amazed if he wasn’t involved, being the despicable little shit that he undoubtedly is.

It must rankle with Morgan that while he couldn’t crack America, Top Gear is viewed by over 360 million people. Let’s put that in perspective, there are 6 billion people on earth and 6% of all of them watch Top Gear, recognise Jeremy, the hamster and the gay one, while a couple of million septics couldn’t be arsed to watch cuntiface smarm his way through a chat show.

And so to the BBC, left wing lentilfest employer of Clarkson. It must irritate them immensely that a man who represents everything that they despise is their biggest success. No doubt there is an element at the top who would be happy to see him go, but for now, the accountants have appeased them sufficiently that Top Gear gets to live another day to entertain us all.

I am in no doubt that it is virtually impossible for Clarkson and crew to continue to entertain us without getting close to offending someone at some time. If they didn’t push the boundaries a little the show would lose its edge, it’s appeal and ultimately it’s viewers. So, it’s actually a case that it’s a great show, made by great people, for the wrong organization.

In time, as with all things, this will come to pass and Top Gear will move on to pastures new, hopefully before Auntie manages to fuck it up.

To Jeremy all I would say is this. The majority can see this for what it is… and no, you shouldn’t have made that apology….. it wasn’t good.

Meanwhile, if anyone has any evidence that will put Morgan behind bars, please tweet it at #pierscunt and we’ll see what we can do with it.

Yours as ever

Ghengis x

 

Unemployed set to Strike over Cut in Handouts

September 18, 2012

Members of the unemployed were said to be outraged over plans to freeze unemployment benefit for the next two years.

Barry Scott, 31, unemployed from Battersea said, “It’s outrageous, with all this free time on my hands I need the money in order to go out and do stuff.”

Barry  then added, “The idea of going on a march or something to protest is a great idea….. but I hope it doesn’t start too early cos I don’t get up until 10.”

unemployed man watching tv

Daily activity of the typical unemployed man.

Working people up and down the land were said to be elated at the news that the ‘Father feed’em all’ was finally going to get tough on the generous handout culture that supports tens of thousands of layabouts, all of which have a pathological fear of this place;

This is where you can find  job..... don't be scared, they won't bite you.

A spokesman for the nations unemployed said, “It’s really tough out there, some of our members are having to reduce their Sky packages down to the bare minimum, it’s barbaric!”

A Government spokesman said, “It’s about time the unemployed earned their keep by doing something, so our headline grabbing pay freeze of tuppence ha’penny a month, will force them off the sofa and back out to work…. maybe,” before adding, “either way, the middle classes will feel like we are doing something in spite of the welfare budget rising every year even though we keep announcing lower jobless figures.”

Another Government spokesman said, “We want everyone to go out to work, men, women, children, everyone. We’ve already got more OAP’s working than at any time in history…. it must be because they love working too much to stop?”

A typical working man

A typical working man

Contrast this with a typical working woman;

a typical working woman

A typical working day for working women all over the country.

Everyone can work at something if they really want to.

Barry from Battersea commented, “I work. I’ve been working really hard on Call of Duty 4 for weeks, morning noon and night…. it’s worse than a full time job, I can tell you….. It takes up every waking moment, but I get a lot of satisfaction from it.”

We did ask some working folk for their opinions, but they were too busy tutting, moaning about cancelled trains and trying to make ends meet to stop for a chat.

Olympics Ticket Sales turns into the Joke we all knew it would

July 10, 2012

Following on from the initial lottery to get hold of tickets to see an olympic event, where we all had to bid for, then pay for all the tickets we might possibly want, only to then be told we didn’t get any, with a subsequent refund, Seb Coe and the ticket selling geniuses at Lococ have now released millions more unsold tickets.

The initial sales process was a huge joke in my opinion. Where else would you be expected to pay in advance for all the tickets you showed an interest in, without knowing if you had got them or not? It’s like having to buy ten times more concert tickets than you might ever need just so you might get to see one of the bands?

Whatever the motivation for using such a stupid ticket selling system, whether it was to prevent the reselling by touts and potential profiteering, it hasn’t worked.

 

If they wanted to stop touts reselling tickets, it could be easily done, by selling tickets to named people. We all have either a passport, driving licence of NI number. If tickets were sold using one of these as ID, then there would be no tout issue. If you then couldn’t attend, the organisers could agree to buy your ticket back at face value. Result, no touts, no profiteering and everyone’s happy. (Except the touts obviously).

It’s not as simple as that however, as event organisers frequently dump large volumes of tickets with ‘official’ touts in order to get them sold, so it is rarely the case that you will pay face value for a ticket for anything….. which makes the organisers complicit in the whole tout issue.

Lococ have managed to piss me off regarding tickets for the olympics, having initially bid on several thousand pounds worth in the hope of getting to see some events, I received zero tickets. As a consequence, I have no intention of bidding on any more, as I see the process as futile and a waste of my time. If they want to sell tickets, then why not just sell them to interested parties.

If stadiums are not full then they only have themselves to blame.

UK Bankers Out For Themselves

July 4, 2012

News this week that bankers in the UK might not be as charitable and kind natured as we all used to think. Rob Diamonds from the light blue bunch of twats said “Fuck it you’ve caught me.”

It turns out that some of them were just out for themselves and in the process might have manipulated the Libor rate in order to make more money.

I know!! It’s hard to believe that when left unsupervised, bankers might fuck about in order to line their own nests, but…… and I realise that this is a shock for some….. they actually have!

For centuries, bankers have been held in equal esteem to say, your humble cockroach, or tapeworm, but it transpires that our faith and trust in them was wholely unfounded…. and far to good for them.

While we all sadly need bankers in order to make some money for the UK on the days that they aren’t asking us all to bend over so they can shaft us up the wrongun, it does appear to be pure folly to allow them to make their own decisions.

We need to start thinking of bankers as akin to children with ADHD, while simultaneously ripped to the tits on sweets and fizzy pop…… expecting them to behave is just asking too much.

Maybe a naughty step for bankers is the way forward….. problem with that is we are gonna need a fucking big step.

The only good thing about the whole situation is that “Dead ‘what a twat i am’ Ballsup” is getting dragged into it, which will hopefully mean that for one day is his pointless existence he might stop grinning like he can lick his own balls.

Greece To Leave the Euro

May 18, 2012

Is it just me, or does everyone think that accepting Greece into the Euro was one of the most stupid decisions made during the 20 century?

I can imagine the conversation between the Greek government and the ECB…..

“So are you certain that these Greek debt numbers are right?”

“Oh yes, of course… why would we lie to you?”

“That’s fine then, welcome aboard”

There is of course a good argument that Greece would be economically screwed were it a Euro member or not. Any country that doesn’t collect income tax from its people is going to be fucked either way, so from the Greek view point membership provided a safety net and vital access to the ECB’s cash reserves.

The Germans are so determined to make their fiscal experiment work, as well as benefiting from the current economic differences between member states, that bailing out a failing country with ever increasing debt was always on the cards. The popular term is “kicking the can down the road” which perfectly describes the ECB’s action so far. Rather than address the fundamental problems of countries that have been spending more than they earn and now can’t afford to repay it, they have instead just lent them more money…. as long as they made noises along the lines of promising to try to spend less in future.

The big problem with financial austerity is that the politicians and finance experts know what needs to be done, but as they are elected by people who like having stuff…. mostly for nothing, getting elected to actually carry out some austerity is proving difficult.

Even in the UK, for all the talk of austerity, we will be borrowing more during the first 5 years of the coalition government than Gordon Brown and Tony Blair ripped through in 13 years. What is bizarre, is that we seem to be making massive cuts to services, but not actually saving any money, reducing spending, borrowing or our debts.

If this is austerity, and financial prudence, I would hate to see frivolous spending!

So what’s going to happen when Greece leave, or are thrown out of the Euro?

It looks to me like this is going to happen sooner rather than later, and there are two main possible outcomes.

The first is that an orderly exit is planned for Greece to return to the Drachma, paving the way for instant devaluation which should make them more competitive against the Euro. Good news for cheap holidays possibly, and Taramasalata sales, but due to the lack on competitive industry in Greece, unlikely to solve its problems in the longer term. The upside for the Euro is that confidence would be instantly raised as it would then become less likely that Italy, Spain, Portugal and Ireland would end up leaving.

The second option is for a forced exit, if Greece were to default on its latest debt repayments, then a rapid exit would be forced upon it. Ironically, Greece would still receive European funding in order to dig itself out of the mess it is in even outside of the Euro mechanism.

Markets are expecting to see Greece leave, and a strong rebound is then expected, especially in banking stocks.

Whether Greece’s departure will prevent a run on the banking systems of the southern states is not clear, as the markets have a habit of picking at the carcass until the meat is gone, so it is by no means guaranteed that Greece leaving the Euro will secure the Euro’s survival. It is expected that the Spanish banking system will be thoroughly tried and tested in the coming months as the markets dictate who stands and falls in this crisis.

Spanish bonds are already trading at unsustainable levels, meaning that raising more money is going to be near impossible for them, well…… if they are to stand any hope of ever paying it back that is.

Where is it going to end and what does it mean for us…… well, it means, that we did well not to get tied up in a halfhearted fiscal pact of monetary union that had no control of each states borrowing levels. It also means that due to the fact that the UK Banking sector provides much of the funding across the Euro zone that our banks are liable for billions in defaults, and we all know where they like to come to to restore their balance sheets when their gambles fail to pay off.

So, to summarize, whatever happens, the outcome is looking a bit bleak…… this experiment of taking a collection of tourist destinations, giving them the same currency and hoping it pans out looks to have failed…… there is an old saying, “you can’t polish a turd”….. it turns out to be based on fact.

AOL to Dump Bebo

April 7, 2010

In the fast moving world of Social Media, success stories can become casualties almost overnight.

AOL, itself not in the best of shape following its de merger from Time Warner back in December, is looking to rid itself of Bebo, the Social Networking site favoured by the youth of the UK.

Having been soundly thrashed by Facebook in its attempts to win favour worldwide, AOL are now looking to either sell or shut down the loss making site. Bought only 2 years ago for $850m, it is another faller in the battle for online dominance.

Google defy China

March 23, 2010

Google closed it’s Chinese search last night after refusing to be censored by the Chinese government. Google had been violating Chinese law by redirecting Google search to an off shore website in Hong Kong.
Tension is now escalating between China and the US over the matter.

What does this mean for Chinese Search? Not much, it’s all censored anyway!

Google Ban lifted in China

July 7, 2009

Google are once more allowed to provide search in China. Following extensive talks, agreement has been reached. Google only has a 30% share of the Asian search market, Baidu is the dominant market leader with 64% share.

Will Google now be able to make inroads and increase it’s share? It will be an interesting few months for both parties.

Defiant Mosley determined to go down with sinking ship

June 24, 2009

Max Mosley is determined that in spite of all the evidence to the contrary, that he is right and the only man who can rescue F1 from the right mess he has made of it.

In much the same way as dear old Gordon believes that as the instigator of our economic malaise he is the only one capable of fixing it, so Max truly believes the same.

He is determined to run the championship next yearm in spite of having no one who wants to race in his series. That to Max is nothing more than a stumbling block which he will probably just ignore anyway. The press release will read something like ” Closest racing ever seen…..” as a couple of non entities battle to come what would have been 18th and 19th on this years grid.

It is undoubtedly almost time for Bernie to jump ship and side with the teams in order to protect his own business which is likely to be worth precisely nothing if Max continues to lead as only max can.

I can see Bernie positioning himself at the head of the teams before long in order to protect his comercial rights. He is under pressure from CVC to whom he sold 50% of his business in 2001. Without the teams he has no business, and he will be far more aware of that than Max clearly is.

The whole F1 fraternity from fans down are now aware that Max needs to go. He should have been happy that he had Ron Dennis’s head, and gave his team Mclaren a realy good spanking financially. It makes you wonder what lengths you have to go to in order to satisfy Max in any way shape or form?

Unemployment hits 12 year high

June 18, 2009

Latest figures out show that in the three months to May 09 unemployment rose by a staggering 250,000, a rise of 12.5% in just three months.

It is estimated that up to 500,000 new school and college leavers will fail to find work this summer adding drastically to the already spiralling jobless total.

All the signs are that this will get worse before it starts to recover.

It is also considered likely that there will be a large contingent of Labour MP’s joining the dole queue shortly.