Archive for the ‘Apple’ Category

iPhone 5 to Rescue World Economy

September 13, 2012

World leaders were last night pinning all their hopes on Apple and the launch of their new vaguely improved, slightly bigger iPhone 5. Heralded by industry expert Barry Slammer of http://www.applearegreat.com as “revolutionary whilst remaining the same” sales of the totally unnecessary device are expected to singlehandedly prop up world economies.

Apple’s master stroke is to include a smaller power adapter, meaning that all those apple accessories gathering dust in the bottom of your drawer are now going to require an adapter to work with the new iPhone 5. Sales of adapters alone are set to double the GDP in the US in Q4 on 2012, meaning an end to recession and everyone living happily ever after.

Making an new iPhone that is slightly different to the old one was necessary in order for Apple to stay ahead in the desirability stakes. Julie Munter, a mother of one from Preston said, “It sounds fantastic, its new and shiny and desirable and everyone will think I’m awesome if I get one”. She then went on to say her only concern was that she was worried her son might moan about the bread and water he was going to have to eat for 6 months while she saved up her father feedem all handouts in order to buy one.

Apple denied it was profiteering from the power adapter redesign saying you don’t have to buy one if you don’t want to, but they are so pretty and so shiny, you might not be able to help yourself.

Even though they haven’t actually made any of the new phones yet, queues began to form outside many Apple stores. The queues were aided by the fact that fewer people have jobs these days, freeing up their time.

A spokesperson for Greece said ” Thank fuck for Apple, Europe is saved, happy days are here again!”

An Ebay spokesman apologised in advance for their site being unable to cope with the demand for substandard fake adapters out of China, saying “This shit takes a lot of bandwidth to flog and we underestimated how much we would need in three months time….. when this wholly unnecessary new device becomes available.

In response to demand for people wanting to gush and fawn over all things Apple, Twitter crashed….. opps!

A Samsung spokesman was reported as saying “Fuck” (but in Korean)