An easy guide to todays World Politics

I thought in light of recent elections and the many different political factions on offer, I should explain to those who don’t understand the political system exactly what each different political ideal consists of and indeal stands for.

To explain this properly, we shall be using an agricultural model in the form of two cows:

“Communism is where you have two cows, your neighbours help you take care of them, and you share the milk.”

“Russian Communism is where you take care of two cows, but the government takes all the milk.”

“With Cambodian Communism the Government takes care of both cows and shoots you.”

“While with Fascism the Government takes both cows, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.” 

“With Thatcherism you got sold shares in both cows and then the government abolishes free school milk while under EU Bureaucracy, it pays you not to milk the cows, takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain, it then required you to fill out a form to account for the missing cows.”

“It is all very different to New Labour, where the Government sells you a stake in both cows and then shoots them both and refuses to let you eat them because the beef is still on the bone.”

“And finally we come to New Old Labour, soon to become known as Brownism, the bad old days etc etc. With Brownism, you have two cows, these are taxed heavily to pay doctors wages. Very soon the cows become a liability around your neck, but you can’t sell them as they are now worthless. You want to shoot them to eat them just to survive, but anti gun laws combined with the red tape associated with animal slaughter renders that impossible and so you go bankrupt.  You sell your small holding at the bottom of the market and are left owing the bank thousands. You end up very ill, but it turns out fine as your Doctor gets to you really quickly in his new Porche.   Happy days.

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