Doing My Expenses

In recent weeks my moral compass has become somewhat stilted but the example I have been set. I look up to my elders and betters and so look to them to provide me with the moral backbone and a positive example for me to measure my own life by.

I am now sat at my desk completing my expenses for April and I am torn between my old way of thinking whereby I include all legitimate expenses incurred during the course of my working day and my new improved model whereby I look at everything I have spent and shoehorn it into my expense account anyway I possibly can.

By my reckoning, if I drink just to get through the working day then it now becomes an expense, as does that wrap of cocaine I bought last week…… if I need to get ripped to the tits in order to function then I should be recompensed… god damn it! Ok so the porn was technically on my tv at home, but it was research for an article….. maybe even this article so I can count that too! I want to get some decking for the garden…. any suggestions on how I categorise it would be gratefully accepted?

For some reason I don’t feel comfortable asking the tax payer to fund my sexual proclivities, narcotics habits and landscaping arrangements……. not because I am holyier than thou…. I most certainly am not, it is just an inner gut feeling that it just isn’t cricket!

It is sad that we have reached the time where we have to legislate in order to stop the supposed moral cream of the country from taking the piss out of us, the collective tax payer………


……you couldn’t make it up!


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